Talking to Your Child About Cancer - MD Anderson

Talking to Your Child About Cancer

A cancer diagnosis can create a variety of questions for patients who have children. The first question many parents ask is, "How do I talk to my child about cancer?"

Whether you're wondering how to tell your child about your diagnosis, treatment, progression or recurrence, there are quite a few things to consider before beginning these important discussions.

To start, consider your child's age and developmental stage. Some children are too young to verbalize questions and others may be too afraid to ask. Also, what does your child already know about cancer?

What is the best approach?
It's common for parents to protect their children by withholding information that may be upsetting, but research shows the following:

1. A parent's cancer diagnosis affects a child whether or not the child is informed of the condition. 1
2. Anxiety levels are higher in children who aren't informed about their parent's condition, compared to children where the issue is discussed. 2 
3. For parents of teenagers, an important aspect of coping is ongoing communication between the teens and their parents during the course of the illness. 2

So, what does this research mean to parents? Simply put, it means that honest, age-appropriate communication is best. How do I talk to my child about cancer?
First, it's crucial to say the word "cancer." This is essential so the child will not associate the parent's diagnosis with another illness children can catch, like the flu or a cold. The following are common questions many children have, and they're important points to consider while talking with your child:

• Can I catch cancer?
• How does cancer happen?
• Is it my fault my mom or dad got cancer?
• Will my mom or dad die from cancer?

Remember that children may not ask these outright, but many will be wondering about them. Because children pick up on social cues, they may sometimes create scenarios in their heads far worse than reality when not given honest communication about what's happening.

Honest and age-appropriate communication with children models the behavior that it's OK to ask and talk about cancer.